Patriotic Posters

Check out the whole insanely creative collection at
The White House.

If Al Gore Were President

A funny "Saturday Night Live" spoof. Check it out on Crooks and Liars.

If Picasso Had Painted Shannen Doherty

The diabolically clever artist, 14, has started a series called "What if Important Artists of the 20th Century Were to Paint the Portraits of Today's Tabloid Celebrities?" in Gallery of the Absurd. Shannen Doherty is the first vict...er, subject.

Also provided is a link to Mr. Picassohead, where you can create your own work of art.

Scorned Woman

I don't know if the story in this eBay listing is true, but it's funny to read. It's the ultimate revenge. Reminds me of Scorned Woman Hot Sauce and the blurb that goes with it.

You've known many a scorned woman - but none that produce this kind of kick. Give it a try and understand just how mad she was, and how lucky you were to escape. Or, ladies, taste it and know just what you're capable of, right FireGirl? Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

The Oscars

The rabid ferret living in Helena Bonham Carter's hair must have attacked Tim Burton's head. I mean, seriously, would it have hurt him to comb it for the Oscars? Are there mirrors in his house? Helena is a poem herself. I wish I understood the significance of her "do". I know. Meow. But really.

This year I wasn't willing to spend 3½ hours watching the Oscars. Why should I, when I can read hilarious recaps on TVgasm?

9:36pm
Commence the porn groove as badass Samuel L. Jackson comes out to present a masturbatory retrospective of movies with a "social conscience." Oddly, the montage is accompanied by "Rodeo" from Aaron Copland's Appalachian Spring, better known as the The Theme Song to Beef. Just after the music reaches soaring, inspirational heights, Jon Stewart deflates the entire montage with his sarcastic proclamation "...And none of those issues were ever a problem again." Haha, the Academy must HATE him.

Ok, he was a little confused about Copland's work, but he's funny. Check it out.

The Camel Toe Report

After 17 days without blogging, I thought it would be appropriate to post an edifying entry, something to appeal to the intellect. For this purpose I've chosen The Camel Toe Report. The emphasis is on the female toe, modeled here by Sharon Stone...



But there is no dearth of male toe and moose knuckles. You would never see a Hollywood celebrity today in a Speedo and flippers. Kind of ruins the Bogart mystique, doesn't it?



The commentary that accompanies the photos had me laughing so hard, I almost lost a lung.

Headline of the Month

Without question!

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Shoooot. It worked for Mary Poppins.

"Hey, Laaaaaaaaa-dy!"

I don't know what I'd do without Watertiger's humor on Dependable Renegade! Her hilariously captioned photos crack me up every day.

'Fess Up

Photocopiers take a beating during the holidays. Case in point.

Tim Andrews, a Canon employee from London, said: "We always fit lots of new glass to copiers after New Year due to 'rear-end copying.'"

Geoff Bush from the north of England said one case he'd attended, where a young lady had cracked the glass mid-scan, also jammed the scanner so that it wasn't until the machine was fixed and her colleagues all sober that copies of her backside starting pouring from the machine.

I'm sure this problem isn't confined to England. They just have the cojones to admit it.

The First Annual MySpace Stupid Haircut Awards

Some kids wear their pretentiousness and self-absorption on top of their heads. DemonBaby has compiled a sort of 'Hall of Shame' of fantastically stupid hairstyles floating around MySpace. Here are the super heroes of bad style. The hipsters, the goths, the just-plain-confused. He includes his own picture at the end of the list, and I have to say, he looks way too young to be so clever. Very funny!

What Is Laura Bush On??

Seriously. Uppers? Mood stabilizers? General zombie pills? Can she look more demented?



Well, maybe. :)

These photos were taken during Charles and Camilla's recent visit to the US. Calm and pleasant Camilla looks as though she's suppressing a laugh. She probably can't believe her eyes.



The most disturbing one is hilariously captioned on Dependable Renegade. Oh, my God. How funny! Click for the caption.

Hot Dogs For Homos

This video is just too frikken hilarious!

Word Play

This is circulating on the Internet, purportedly from The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational. I don't think it has anything to do with the Post or with Mensa, because I can't find any confirmation of it. It's funny, nonetheless.

Readers to are asked to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's {2005} winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly

3. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. [This one doesn't meet the criteria.]

15. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a s s hole.

18. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Become a Republican

Hey Democrats! Sick of losing elections? Bored with honesty and common sense? Feel like America has lost its mind? Become a Republican!

I could never do it. I'd have to give up tofu.

Endless Love

Bush and Blair. So moving. And so funny! Somebody put a lot of work into this.

More Bushisms

George Bush attempts to explain his new proposals for social security reform in Mrs. Finkle's kindergarten class last February.

"Because the—all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There's a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those—changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be—or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It's kind of muddled. Look, there's a series of things that cause the—like, for example, benefits are calculated based upon the increase of wages, as opposed to the increase of prices. Some have suggested that we calculate—the benefits will rise based upon inflation, as opposed to wage increases. There is a reform that would help solve the red if that were put into effect. In other words, how fast benefits grow, how fast the promised benefits grow, if those—if that growth is affected, it will help on the red."—Explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005

The definitive collection can be found in The Complete Bushisms. Read 'em and weep.

Bush Smiles

Well look at that. George Bush is smiling! He really does have teeth. I wonder what made him so hap...

Oh.

Those Stupid American Tourists

The hilarious Dave Barry, on vacation in London:

"We are now in our second week of walking around in countries where people drive on the left, so you'd think that by now we'd know how to cross a street. But you would be wrong. At every intersection, it's the same thing: We look nervously in every possible direction for several minutes, and still we're not 100 percent sure which cars we need to be worried about. The locals handle it effortlessly, walking past us and setting off across the street with barely a glance, but we stand rooted to the sidewalk like unusally stupid trees. When we finally decide it's safe, we take a hesitant step forward and YIKES HERE COMES A CAR and we have to scurry back to the sidewalk. At one point we were directly across the street from our hotel -- it was right there, beckoning to us -- and we thought we'd never reach it. We considered looking for a hotel located on our side of the street and checking in there."

The Odyssey of Darkalena Large

Her vehicle was missing a tire, and a large chunk of her right front rim was sitting in the second-story bedroom of a nearby home. OMG, you can't make this stuff up!